THERE is one swear word that, even in today’s society, is an unmentionable. Personally, I refuse to lower myself and use this profanity, especially within earshot of women and children - it is simply just not done. Many of my friends won’t even acknowledge it exists except during men-only drinking sessions on a Friday night in the local. The word in question begins with a C and I think most people would be horrified if I mentioned it in my column - but mention it I must. The word I am referring to, of course, is Christmas. And the reason I must raise its most ugly and filthy head at this time of year is that my ears were bombarded on Saturday in a certain town centre shop by strains of little mechanical elves singing We Wish You a Merry Christmas and other songs all at random and at odds with each other - like a choir that could not agree which song to sing. Although not very loud, there were at least 30 of the demented blighters singing away. The poor shop assistants - unable to find the on-off switch - were on the verge of being carted off to the nearest psychiatric unit. It was surreal in the extreme. Decorations for the festival that must not be mentioned have very quietly and craftily crept on to the shelves of many shops during the last couple of weeks. They have carefully avoided making much of a show of it keeping them away from the most public of places. But arrived they have - and in flippin’ mid-September. I ask you, what has September got to do with it? It is disgraceful. Autumn is only just beginning to take a grip. The first frost has not arrived and the leaves are still well and truly attached to the trees. For more than three months of the year it is impossible to get away from this nonsense. It is foisted on all and sundry at every opportunity - whether we want it or not. Bonfire Night is one of the highlights of the year for me and yet it is in danger of being swamped by this commercial monster. If it gets any earlier, Santa will be wearing swimming trunks and selling suntan lotion. I wish I could go into hibernation and wake up on New Year’s Day - it has got to the point where I really do hate it with a vengeance. It is no longer about giving presents but about how much money you spend. It is about buying so much food that you could not possibly eat it all. It is about buying presents that will never get used. But most of all it is about shops making as much money out of you as possible. I am going to start a campaign called Save Christmas for Christmas. Call me Ebenezer if you wish, but bah humbug I say to the whole thing. | 
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