I don’t mind admitting that I am a curmudgeonly, and often grumpy, old man. In fact I take great pleasure from it.
But can you really go to hell for being grumpy? It was my wife’s birthday last week and somebody gave her a card saying ‘Sometimes I wake up grumpy. But mostly I let him sleep in’. Many people mistake my grumpiness for unhappiness. But I am a happy grump, I enjoy being grumpy. I was born a grumpy old man. I can’t stand these cheerful people who go around with a smile on their faces and say they are just happy to be alive - I don’t trust them at all. There is much to be grumpy about in this modern world. All I have to do is watch television, read a newspaper or go for a stroll through Nuneaton and I can come across an endless supply of things to grump about.
Some of my favourite targets for ire are doctor’s receptionists, 4x4 drivers, the council, the youth of today, judges and the police to name but a few. Just mention any of these to me and stand well back as the grumpathon begins.
However, what really gets my goat more than anything else are mothers on the school run. I had spent a wonderful and peaceful Easter being able to do normal things such as parking on my own driveway when I wanted to, driving into town without queuing for hours in the morning and not having to worry about clipping someone’s wing mirror when driving down the road. Much to my horror last week, the throng of cars wedged into the area had returned signalling the dawn of a new school term I would love to know the average distance mums live from schools - I am sure it is no more than 100 yards.
I would carry out a survey. But it would not be good for a man of my age to be hanging around outside a school now would it. I am sure the boys in blue would be along fairly rapidly. My problem with mum’s dropping their kids off is thus.
First of all, most of them only live around the corner and the car, especially on a glorious summer’s day, is the last means of transport I would take. A brisk walk would keep the littluns out of the clutches of obesity. Come to think of it, it would also benefit the mothers as well. Secondly, we all know that women have their faults and problems. But isn’t it about time some of them learnt to drive. Reverse parking is not that hard is it? Thirdly, do they really need to leave a five foot gap between the car and the kerb? And fourthly, why do they have to block driveways so frequently? Just park a little further away in a legal place if you please. I could now move on to asking why many of them feel the need to drive a 4x4 but my head would explode.
So the blissful break is at an end and I am resigned to trying to avoid going out at certain times of the day. I may also see if I can borrow some parking cones to stop the blighters parking right outside my house.
Roll on the Summer break. Anyway, I am convinced you can’t go to hell for being grumpy. It would be far too crowded. | 
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